My Mothers' Day Present Sucks

Let me open by saying I'm an intensely practical and "thrifty" person. Thrifty is in quotes because some others would be tempted to put stronger words there. I think they are jealous because I can make a pair of shoes last 6 years when they were designed to last one. The utilitarian, first-born side of me struggles with superfluous things like nick-nacks, jewelry and shoes aren't black/white/brown. I may not be there but I hear the feminine gasps as they desperately search for a dislike button or any way to voice their desire to burn the gender-traitor at the stake. And since I've already painted myself into the corner I might as well boldly proclaim a few more of my errant, heathen thoughts. I don't understand why places like See's Candy even exist. Why spend $40 on a box of mystery chocolate when Snicker's Bars cost $0.50 and are perfectly delightful?


So I married a man who agrees with me. I broke him of his societally-taught need to spend $5.00 on a piece of folded cardstock with a cheesy poem in it on special occasions. It has been years since any designer chocolate entered our dwelling and don't get me started on "made-for Mother's-Day" diamond heart pendants. Last year around this time he gave me a gym membership because he knew that's what I wanted. This year he gave me a vacuum cleaner because he knew it's what I wanted. I adore you Erik, and your sucky gift!


And because I'm not a total revolutionary or feminist I gladly allowed the boys to choose and prepare my Mothers' Day feast.